October came and went silently with a sunrise. I spent my Halloween working sixteen hours and quietly shedding a tear as I spent the overnight shift taking our Halloween decorations down. With Orson Welles playing "Dracula" on xm's RadioClassics channel; I manned that counter. Half asleep and very random. Quiet as well from time to time which made John think I'd fall asleep at any moment. I refused a drunk woman her cigarettes because she kept cussing me out because prices had gone up again. I chuckled at the costumes I saw and even have a couple pictures I haven't uploaded yet. I mopped the floor and listened to thrilling stories from an era I only see on TV.

Sometimes I wonder if I'd been born in the wrong era. I love the class and the suspense of forties movies. Dancing in nightclubs with an elegant man in a gorgeous ball gown and catching a dinner show preformed by Rita Hayworth or Judy Garland. Forties Hollywood never looked more appealing. But maybe that's just me and the musings of a cashier caught in a rut and wanting so much more but getting so little. Big dreams on a minimum wage paycheck.

My History Professor was talking about life on a minimum wage paycheck yesterday. How hard it was for some people, like he'd just discovered it. I told him that I live that life day to day, paycheck to paycheck, that's why I'm putting myself into more debt and going to college. I want to better myself. To be an author and a historian. But I'm in such a funk I can't seem to get anything on paper. Nothing but notes on 1800s Canada or 1600s China. I want to be able to see myself better in ten years ... but all I see is fog.

I don't know, I'm probably thinking too much again.